


It's Gonna Be Awesome

by lunabelle



Category: Parks and Recreation
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Comfort/Angst, F/M, Mild Sexual Content, Nightmares, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-06
Updated: 2015-09-06
Packaged: 2018-04-19 11:02:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4743935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunabelle/pseuds/lunabelle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A nervous April starts having second thoughts during her first pregnancy, and Andy is there to talk her through it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Gonna Be Awesome

_The darkness gripped her like a cold hand. Eyes open or closed, it didn’t really make a difference—it was all blackness. The empty spaces seemed to be closing in as she felt around next to her. The spot was cold, yet she wasn’t surprised. He’d finally had enough, and now she had to do this alone…_

“No, no, no…Andy? Andy! ANDY?” April twisted in bed and jerked herself awake, shaking. Glancing at the alarm clock, she saw it was only three-thirty in the morning. Her teeth chattered as she reached out frantically to feel for his warm body on the other side of the bed, afraid she was caught in some bizarre, never-ending nightmare. She gulped the air in quickly, but when she felt two arms wrap around her and pull her close, her sharp breaths began to taper off.

“Hey, babe, shhhh,” he whispered sleepily, bringing her head down under his chin. “I gotcha. I’m here, you’re here, we’re at home.” He slowly stroked her hair and that calmed her down more than anything else.

Her breathing became slower, less frantic, and as she sank down into the soft sheets her heart beat finally felt like it was returning to a normal pace. April closed her eyes for a long time, and was grateful Andy couldn’t see the wetness on her cheeks before she hastily wiped them dry.

“What happened?” Andy held her close, his arms completely wrapped around her small frame. She pushed her face tight against his neck, letting his familiar, comforting scent surround her and bring her back to the level of relaxation she desperately needed.

“Nightmare,” April mumbled. One of her arms reached out and wrapped around the back of his neck, idly twisting the short curls at the base of his head. _Breathe in, breathe out…_

“Aw babe, another one?” He sounded concerned. 

April nodded. This was the fourth one in two weeks. “You were gone,” she whispered. “You left again for good, and I was stuck doing this all by myself.”

“Sweetheart, they’re not real,” he said gently, massaging her back. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here with you…and you gotta calm down. The doctor said stress is like, bad for the baby…but I need you to…you know, be OK. I hate seeing you like this.” 

April pulled her head away and glanced down at her baby bump. She was about half way through the pregnancy, and soon…very soon, she and Andy would finally be parents. Usually she was thrilled about it all, and everything they had to look forward to. Other times she was scared out of her mind. Those were the nights when the nightmares haunted her.

They were usually about Andy leaving her, pregnant, alone, and scared. She’d always be sleeping and wake up to an empty bed with no note, and Andy just gone, and eventually April would wake up for real, screaming his name. The worst was the time she’d woken up sobbing; not only did she feel embarrassed, but the dream had felt so real she’d refused to get out of bed that day, prompting Andy to call her doctor to make sure she’d be all right. Sometimes it was a vicious cycle of waking up and realizing she was in another nightmare, over and over until she was painfully, finally, awake. Each type of nightmare was uniquely terrifying in its own right.

“Andy, I don’t think I can do this,” she said slowly. She felt him shift, and looking up, she noticed he had that disappointed look in his eyes. He only got that look when she started to doubt herself. Her brain was screaming, _“Please don’t look at me like that,”_ but all that came out was, “I’m going to be such a lousy mom. I know it.”

“Don’t say that,” he said quietly.

“You’re going to be so good, such an awesome dad. I’m not cut out for this. I can’t even think about it right now without feeling sick,” she shook her head, pulling away from him and scooting out of the bed. _Why did I agree to this?_ Now she felt dizzy and just wanted to cry for real this time.

April paced at the foot of the bed, arms hugged around her own sides. She was the one who told him she was ready. _Maybe I’m not ready. Maybe it was too soon. But it doesn’t matter now._

Andy had never, ever pushed her. Sure, he’d make the occasional comment or ask her if her thoughts on the subject had changed, but he was never bitter. (She still didn’t understand how she was lucky enough to have him in her life.) But things were different now: _she’d_ agreed to this. She’d agreed and Andy was so, so happy. She was scared, nervous, anxious…but she wanted this for him. For her too, of course, but mostly for him. _But_ did _I want this? Can I do this?_

So why, now, after nearly four and a half months, was she still having second thoughts? Why couldn’t she just accept it, be happy and excited? _A mom isn’t supposed to feel this way, right?_

That was the worst part—Andy was _always_ happy. He was the definition of happy. He couldn’t be more ready for this next awesome aspect of adulthood, and April felt guilty. She felt like she was ruining this for him. This—the one thing he ever asked her for in their entire relationship. It meant the world to him and she couldn’t even pull it together. _He gives you everything. And you can’t give this to him without falling apart?_

“Honey,” Andy sat up and rubbed his eyes. “Come back over here, please.” He held the sheet open for her. April paused and waited a beat before walking slowly back. Groaning, she climbed into bed awkwardly. She wasn’t used to having this much weight in front of her, and she felt lopsided all the time. Andy helped lift her gently, and immediately pulled her to him again.

“You are going to be so amazing babe,” he said, kissing her head. “The best mom, like ever.”

“What if the kid hates me, Andy,” she said softly. _Why wouldn’t it? You go out of your way to make everyone else uncomfortable, why stop now?_ “It can probably tell I’m getting all freaked out about it. I bet they remember those things. Ugh, the little thing can probably hear all the stuff I’m saying right now.“

“That’s impossible,” Andy laughed. “Our kid could never hate you. You’re the coolest person, the most amazing,” he kissed her cheek, “wonderful,” he kissed her nose, “beautiful,” he kissed her lips, “person in the entire universe, and our baby is going to love you.”

April tried to smile, but all she felt was her mouth do some weird type of upturn that probably made her look more confused than anything. Andy looked at her long and hard, searching her face for something…maybe some sign of optimism, she didn’t know. Finally he continued, twirling the ends of her hair in his fingers as he spoke.

“You know, before I met you, or whatever…I never really thought my life was gonna go in the direction it did.” He looked down at the sheets, then back into her eyes, almost shyly. She didn’t see any of his usual goofiness there. He gave her a tiny smile and started up again immediately.

“I didn’t see myself finding anyone after…well, you know.” He paused, and kissed her head softly. “But we found each other. And…God, I fell for you so damn fast. I didn’t just see you as my future wife. I’d look at you, and I’d think, ‘She’s my soulmate. She’s my everything. She’s the only person in this whole universe who I’d ever want to spend the rest of my life, every minute with.’ And have a family with, if we were lucky enough to do that too. If we did, that’d be great. If not, then I knew I‘d deal with it. But we are, and it’s gonna be awesome.”

April could feel her face getting warmer. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t stop the blushing—she felt like a stupid teenager. 

“You’re that person, you always will be. April, I don’t care if we aren’t the typical family, because I know we won’t be. We’re not gonna be, you know, perfect parents, or whatever, but who is? I’m so excited, but I’m nervous too…just like you.” He laughed a little, and took one of her hands in his. “Dude, I’m gonna be a dad. I’m freaked out! But, God, I’m so happy,” he faced her, and his smile was a mile wide.

“Anyway, the point is, you are going to be amazing. I know it. I knew it from the moment I fell in love with you. Our kid is already gonna have so much love in him, or her, thanks to the both of us. There’s not gonna be any room for hate.”

April glanced up at him, smiling for real this time. He was looking at her with _that_ face, that same face he always gave her when she could tell nothing else in the room existed to him but her. She leaned forward and kissed him. “You’re the best. How are you just…the most amazing person ever?” 

“Nah, I’m just OK,” Andy grinned at her and sat up. He placed his hand on her belly. “You’re the amazing one, carrying our baby. You look so amazing right now though, I mean, _you_ may not like how you look but I think you’re so hot—“ he stopped mid-sentence, his mouth opening slowly while his eyes widened in surprise.

April smiled and lifted her head up to get a better look at him. “Did you feel it?” She couldn’t hide her own mini burst of excitement. She was totally expecting the moment she felt her baby’s first kick to be this creepy, alien-like sensation that felt freaky and weird and gross. Instead, she just felt excited. _“Maybe this is how a mom is supposed to feel,”_ she thought, relief flooding her for the first time in days.

“Dude,” Andy was speechless. “Was that…did the baby just _kick_ me?”

“Yeah babe,” she laughed. “I think it heard you or something. That was totally a kick.”

“That was freakin’ _awesome!_ Do that again!” Andy put both hands against her stomach and brought his ear close, as if expecting a response. April just chuckled.

“Dude, it doesn’t work like that,” she said, playing with his hair. 

Andy sat up and looked at her, his eyes wide and deep and so, so green. He was smiling his biggest smile. “I love you so much,” he said, moving his hands to her shoulders. 

“I love you too,” she responded.

“This is going to be the best,” he said excitedly. 

“I know,” April agreed, and she meant it. Being with him always made her forget everything except the two of them, and suddenly she was feeling all right again. The heavy weight of anxiety was gone for the moment. If it came back, then it came back, but she could work through it. She knew that now. “Hey babe, thanks for always making me feel better.”

Andy just stared at her with those eyes, soft and drooping. 

“Anything for you,” he cleared his throat, and added, his voice low and husky, “You’re beautiful, April.”

She watched his eyes travel up and down, lingering, and back up again, and she realized she’d worn one of her old lacy tank tops that barely fit anymore and did little to cover her recently fuller top half. Laundry needed to be done, and she’d just thrown the old tank on when she went to bed, too exhausted to search for something better fitting. April smirked at him, “Even with my huge, gross stomach?”

“I have the most gorgeous wife in the world,” he pulled her close, and kissed her hard on the mouth. Her hands instinctively reached up and curled into his hair, scooting as close as she could. Andy reached around her and put his large hand on the small of her back, groaning softly when she opened her mouth to his.

Gently leaning her back and still not breaking the kiss, Andy used his free hand to prop her back up under the pillows and sheets so she was comfortable. He pushed himself as close as possible without actually lying on top of her to avoid unnecessary pressure on the baby.

“Hey,” he broke away for a minute, and looked at her, face so full of concern and love and everything amazing that she smiled instinctively.

“What’s up?” April looked at him. She slid her feet along the back of his legs and curled her toes.

“So, uh,” he looked a bit confused, and somewhat worried, “If we were to, you know…do it…like right now,” he paused, running his hand down her side to rest on her thigh, and April almost laughed out loud at how dorky and cute he was all at once. “there’s no way I can, you know…the baby obviously can sense stuff now…I mean, I won’t…” he glanced down at her stomach quickly, then back to her eyes, looking concerned.

“No babe,” she said, smiling and cupping his face. “You won’t hurt the baby, it’s totally cool.”

“Sweet,” he said, before leaning down to cover her neck with soft kisses.

“It _is,_ like, four in the morning though,” she said slowly, arching her back upward instinctively.

“Not tired anymore,” he said, his voice muffled as he left wet kisses on her skin, his lips finding hers again. He stopped once more, looking up quickly. “Wait, are _you_ tired? Of course you are…I’m sorry babe, I got carried away, I—“

April laughed out loud for real this time, and pulled her husband closer. He was always thinking of her. Even in a moment like this, he was actually willing to just stop if it meant she wanted to go back to sleep. She shook her head quickly. “No, I think you’re just what I need,” she hummed against his mouth, tugging at his tee shirt. Andy grinned and resumed his work. The room came alive with quiet sighs and soft moans, and suddenly April didn’t remember why she ever spent so much time worrying. 

It was the weekend, so they had all morning to sleep. It was with that thought in mind that Andy climbed out of bed some time later to grab some ice cream from the freezer and two spoons. He even remembered the peanut butter and potato chips, which April was grateful for. Her husband had finally kept up with her cravings and he was more attentive than ever. She rested against his strong chest, the both of them sitting up in bed, feeding each other spoonfuls of ice cream, sharing laughs, and stealing kisses.

Andy held her hand, rubbed her shoulders, and told her stories about all the things they’d do as a family. April shared her fears, her concerns and her dreams about their baby; told him everything she hoped he or she would grow up to be. 

They talked about how they would decorate the nursery, Andy wanting to go with either a football or rockstar theme, while April pushed for shades of black and blue and grey. Eventually they just laughed about it and dozed off in a peaceful sleep, only to wake up an hour later to another round of strong kicking from the baby. 

Andy’s hands never left her stomach after that, running them all over, his face as bright as the sun whenever he felt the pressure of tiny feet.

 _“He was made for this,”_ April thought to herself with a smile.

Any thoughts of nightmares, or anxiety, or anything she was feeling at all were pushed to the back of her mind. With someone like Andy, April knew she would never be alone. She didn’t know whether she’d be a good mom, and honestly she wouldn’t find out until the time came. Andy was right when he said there were no perfect parents. But _she_ had a perfect husband, and no matter what, as long as he was by her side she could do anything.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed! 
> 
> Also, I finally set up a tumblr for my fics, among other things: 
> 
> http://lunabelles.tumblr.com


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